Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains

Unreleased theatrical feature financed by Paramount was once an '80s staple on the USA network (in their weekend "Night Flight" movie slot). It's a satirical comedy-drama with music which finds angry, rebellious teen Diane Lane caught by reality-TV cameras getting fired from a fast food restaurant; soon, she, her sister, and a cousin hit the road with their barely-rehearsed punk band and find failure, success, unintended exploitation, and life's little ironies outside of their blue-collar town. Reminiscent of the later "This is Spinal Tap", the film has a sense of humor far more sly, less forced and obvious. Lane is so tough at first, one doesn't know how to respond to her (she pushes everyone away); somewhere down the line she begins to soften and becomes more flexible, and you see the desperation underneath her scowl--you see her pathos just once, when she gives the bus-driver money for his brother (a subtle scene that speaks volumes). Harsh in both its writing and directing, unblinking in its teenage hostility, the film still manages to be funny (intentionally so) and with a cutting edge; it's like a breath of fresh air to the disenfranchised. *** from ****

With Diane Lane's beautiful, astonishing, must-get-the-Oscar turn in Unfaithful (since the last thing I really remember seeing her before that was Lady Beware, and if I were to bother reviewing that, my summary would be Viewer Beware, or more unkindly, Lady Beware The Between-Meal Snacks), I remembered seeing this film on the late lamented Night Flight, when it still showed uncut, uncensored, banned, obscure videos and films relating to rock and roll. Ah the good old days of early cable...

This film is a must-see, not just for Diane Lane fans, but for any rock film fan. It is a bit contrived in some parts, but brutally honest in others, and seemed to confront every '80's rock dream - from Tiffany to MTV to Madonna..and beyond - Britney and Xtina, anyone?

Many other reviews here say all there is to say about the film, since I have only seen it that one time, and can't add anything particularly pithy about it. The fact that I remember it all these years later, after just being reminded of the abysmal failure which was Streets of Fire, makes me want to see the Stains play again.

There are scenes I still remember vividly, and while some of the movie will seem forced and a bit dated even for the time it was released, it has a certain honesty that stayed with me all these years - mostly due to a powerful and honest performance by a very young Diane Lane. The same honesty and power she shows in Unfaithful...

A real shame that this movie is not available for home viewing, and should be released on dvd and vhs at a time when Lane is hopefully going to walk away with an Oscar.

In the documentary "The Making of Ladies and Gentlemen the Fabulous Stains" (which you can find on YouTube), the narrator mentions that 83 million Americans have seen Star Wars: The Phantom Menace; then he adds he's not sure if a total of 83 people have seen The Fabulous Stains.

This is the quintessential cult classic. Like the original Jerky Boys tape (remember that?) it has been copied & re-copied and passed around from one VHS to another for the last 20 years. In interviews, even the stars of the film say they haven't seen the finished product. So if nothing else, you should feel special for having the opportunity to watch it.

I'm part of the nu-crowd, having found this movie at a Blockbuster going out of business sale last week and buying the recently-released DVD for $3. I can see instantly how it became a cult classic. First, it features a cast of respected musicians (Sex Pistols, The Tubes, The Clash) as well as a very young Laura Dern (Jurassic Park, Wild at Heart) and a lead actress whom I'm shocked I haven't seen in any other films because she's fabulous: Diane Lane.

Next we have a story about the underground music scene and a girl band's rise to stardom which predicted the whole Madonna craze 2 years before Madonna's debut album (as well as the Go-Gos and even Joan Jett). I think that's what makes this a great film--how prophetically accurate it was. The "old rockers" of the 70s (with outrageous makeup on their faces) were clearing the way for badass chicks with attitude (and outrageous makeup on their eyes). As Diane eulogizes in the film "He was an old man in a young girl's world." That theme is something you have to keep in mind while watching this. At the time, aside from maybe Janis Joplin, rock music didn't have a great history of bad girls, but audiences were demanding it. So not only does this film highlight the evolution of music, but it also foretells a new age of feminism in the industry.

For me, what made the film really enjoyable was its realism. Touring with a rock band isn't all Ritz-Carlton and Leer jets, unless you're the Rolling Stones. No, touring with a rock band is dirty, smelly, cramped on a malfunctioning tour bus with shady promoters, managers and rival bands with a lot of catty attitudes. I can't think of any other film that tells it like it is.

The biggest flaw of this film is the ending. I won't ruin it, but I'll just say it was NOT the ending intended by the original writer Nancy Dowd (as the rumors go, Nancy was so angry at the reworked ending that she took her name off the credits). Indeed, the ending seems a bit incongruous. But at the same time it makes sense on certain levels, so maybe it turned out for the best.

Another problem is the way the film shows 15-year-old girls in a very sexual way. Sure, that's realism (as Fee Waybill says in the documentary, 'There was more sex & drugs going on behind the scenes than there was in the movie'), but it might--and should--make you feel a little uncomfortable watching a 15-year-old girl have sex. But hey, I guess that's one of the reasons why this was never the ABC movie of the week, and instead it was quickly buried for 20 years.

So yeah, if you have a chance I think you should watch it. If nothing else, it's a great nostalgic trip back to the music scene of the 80s. But it's also very poignant in today's world. Diane's "meh" attitude toward life is exactly what confronts a lot of teens today in this increasingly cynical world.

I'm happy that this film managed to get released on DVD, otherwise I never would've seen it. I just hope it doesn't get too popular, because that would kill some of its charm. I like the idea that there are only 82 other people who have seen it.

This film deserved a better shot at finding an audience than it got from its studio, which basically declared it unreleasable and threw it away. To be sure, it's not for ALL tastes but it's WAY better than a lot of the teen-oriented dreck that made millions in the 80s..Basically the story of the rise and fall of a street-wise girl (Diane Lane) and her punk rock band, the film has moments of satire and drama that ring remarkably true, even in this day and age. This is the only other film I know of directed by famed Los Angeles music producer Lou Adler (his other was the first Cheech & Chong monster hit "Up In Smoke")....this film has the same loose, anything-goes style but Adler shows that he works well with actors, getting fresh and inspired performaces all around. The only print seen for years of this film has been on USA Network's "Up All Night" and it was ruthlessly edited. I'd like to see this one show up on a premium channel like Cinemax or Showtime so I could see it completely uncut (since the chances of seeing it released on video are no doubt slim to none)

Excellent little rock-and-roll satire. A teenage Diane Lane stars as a young woman who hates her dead-end life. Along with her sister and cousin (Laura Dern), she cons her way onto a tour bus as the nonexistent band The Stains. The gals can't play a lick, but get themselves on the local news, and they ignite like a meteorite - and come crashing to Earth just as fast. It's a biting little picture, and Lane shines brightly in the lead. Ray Winstone co-stars as the lead singer of a British punk band with whom the Stains tour. The movie was barely released when it was made, but it became a cult favorite later on through frequent airings on the USA cable network.