Honest

I remember getting my mum to record this onto VHS for me way back when (I was about 20 and like many others thought the Appletons and Blatt were fit) so looked forwards to seeing a feature-length excuse to see the girls trying their hand at acting.

Obvs there's nudity in it. That's literally the first thing anyone knew about this film. What becomes apparent very quickly however is that this film absolutely sucks.

I think I ffwded through the VHS to find the nudity, but don't ever remember actually seeing it because in reality those bits are just two blink-and-you'll-miss-it glimpses of boob. I didn't actually watch the film.

Here in 2023 I discovered the film is available to stream via a site in the states (an English film about London you can't actually watch in the U. K. unless you're silly enough to waste money buying or renting it, lol)

Watching it I wished I'd still got a ffwd button. I persevered though, but the whole thing is absolute s***e. Really unenjoyably low-rate. St Trinians is probably better than this.

Still haven't finished it but I will force myself to. It will be good to know I never have to watch this again. Absolutely awful.

Foreign critics have received this movie much better than British ones. Possibly because, although Dave Stewart has done a reasonable recreation of sixties swinging Hippiedom in London, it really isn't that interesting to home-grown audiences any more. The addition of three-quarters of a well-known girl band (All Saints) gives it even less charm (although one of the ladies concerned turns in quite a reasonable performance, as well as letting the camera linger longingly on her bosom. Nice to see ex-pop star Dave Stewart make a go of directing now his music career isn't what it used to be - he's done a reasonable job but he will hardly be hailed as a great director for this effort.

Honest has had something of a rough press in England; it's content and cast earning it a pre-release reputation as "The All Saints Movie". (Even though one of the group - Shaznay Lewis - doesn't appear) More precisely, it has another reputation - that of "The All Saints Exposing Their Boobs Movie". If that's the reason you would want to see this film (and it was a small part of the reason I went. Well, okay, a fairly large part. A large part. Okay, alright, it was the only reason I went to see it. Happy now?) then you'll be disappointed. The scenes in question, heavily cut at the girls' bequest, last for no longer than three minutes, or less than 3% of the film's runtime.

What is slotted into the place of a perceived celebrity nudefest is a look at sixties counterculture. We even get a Hendrix impersonation, an LSD trip and Bootsie Collins in the cast. Music is of the era, with some covers of Motown originals by the three girls evident in the background. However, it's all so self-consciously done (Nicole, as Gerry, can't even sit down without picking up an authentic copy of a 1960s Radio Times) that it comes across more as a pastiche or someone's anecdote of what the era was like, rather than the supposedly-genuine recreation of Dave Stewart's youth. Similarly, the satirical bent the movie favours in this regard is a little too broad to be fully effective; though there is a nice little in-joke with "Clement La Frenais" appearing on a roadsign, and a scene where an acid-soaked hippie debates the nature of existence to a cow.

The other half of the film is a look at East End villainy; the three girls playing a small-time armed robbery unit who clash with a bigger outfit. Nicole is the definite lead with by far the largest role. She does reasonably well, carrying a surprisingly effective London accent. Mel Blatt, the one who doesn't have to strip, has the smallest role, possibly only 10 or 15 minutes in all. This is a shame as she gives a nice performance, and her lack of achievement with the opposite sex does cause some of the film's main amusement. By far the weakest of the group is Natalie Appleton as Mandy, a tough psychotic. Except she's neither tough nor particularly psychotic and her ordering a crowded room at gunpoint is especially unconvincing. As is her accent, come to that. Thankfully, she too gets a minor role, possibly twenty minutes or so.

There's also a love interest with Peter Facinelli as Daniel Wheaton, the romance perhaps not always convincing due to strained relations off screen. In a scene which gives the role-reversal of A Clockwork Orange's "man kills woman with phallic object"; Nicole tries to squish Daniel with a statue of a female nude. He overcomes her, and, eschewing a stunt double, Nicole found herself covered in bruises filming the rest of the fight sequence. What followed has been reported differently, some magazines alleging that during their sex scene together Nicole yelled "cut!". Her account in the reliable Empire magazine states that the fight had caused them to have a massive argument. So much so that the atmosphere was hostile for their lovemaking scene and that, while Nicole didn't stop the filming, she was extremely pleased when a low-flying aircraft disturbed the shoot and curtailed it prematurely.

In the same publication the singer was attributed with the following unpromising quote: "Everyone has dodgy first films. But everyone has to start somewhere, and not every actor's first film was great". When your leading actress starts an interview with a sentence like that, you pretty much know what you're getting for your money. But ultimately, three things will go through your mind as you leave the cinema: 1. The film is no classic, but certainly not as bad as you've been led to believe; 2. The 60s were not as much fun as people make out; and 3. Bob Dylan was a truly awful singer.

To give you an idea of how utterly dull and lifeless this movie is, I will tell you now that the last word of this review is going to be the film title used in a humorous and non too obvious fashion. OK?

So, to the film. Some films do exist that make Brian De Palma's Mission to Mars look like a masterpiece....... I have yet to see one yet and this doesn't even come close. Even though it is awful. And by awful I mean dull, lifeless, cricket, dire, boring. Dave Stewart, as the guitarist and co songwriter has had to put up with Annie Lennox for a good 2 decades so lets not be too hard on him, the film does have its moments. They cost 90p each on a £3.60 ticket. (Or about $1.25 in America on a $5 ticket.) Yes, two of the girls appear topless in the film and while this is no bad thing, I can't see them being given another movie anytime soon.

Mel Blatt is good in the film. She appears natural to this business we call SHOW. Nicole also has her moments (90p remember). Natalie however, the eldest of the two sisters isn't that great in the film. In fact, I'm being kind. A blind monkey with a badger strapped round it's head could have pulled a better performance. Reminiscent of an early Turtletaub or a late Howard.

Unfortunately, the casting is where the movie fails. While 66% of the All Saints are good in this film, 33% aren't. A better idea would have been to cast 3 of the S Club 7 girls in it (Tina obviously getting the boot). Because S Club 7 exist in farce, their cheeky smiles and mischievous ways would have blended perfectly with the Honest backdrop of Cockney England.

Anyway, in conclusion, I can't really recommend this film enough. 90p a nip is a bargain in today's climate. I just feel that S Club 7 would have made a far superior film to the one that we were given. Honest.

Now I'd be the first to admit that I haven't seen this pop star vanity project for a while, but as they say: Bad memories cut deep and I find it virtually impossible to come up with answers to these questions a) Who would want to pay money for a production with a script as patently rubbish as this and b) If this is the first film where the starting point was.. Nicole Appleton's breasts. When is someone going to pluck up the courage to tell these singing prima-donnas that to star in a movie you need ACTING LESSONS. Britney and Mariah, I hope you're listening too(And who can forget From Justin to Kelly....Urgh). These poor deluded creatures should keep their Hollywood dreams at bay and concentrate on their singing careers (Though admittedly, some of them aren't even too hot at that). Anyway back to the film: Well it's rubbish if you haven't got the message by now, squeezing every British crime movie cliche out into the open and still making a pigs ear of it. Oh Lock Stock, what have you brought upon us?! Plus the movie is full of time-line mistakes considering it's meant to be set in the 60's (check out the goofs section) and it also wastes a fantastic British supporting cast. It all adds up to a huge waste of celluloid, an experience that the All-Saints ( Now embarking on their career as solo artists) would no doubt rather forget and (hopefully) a message that rings loud and clear to all singers thinking of venturing outside their area of expertise.. Don't do it guys!!