Kiss Me Quick!

"Kiss Me Quick" enjoys the honor of being the greatest "nudie-cutie" movie ever made. Of course, this is a pretty meaningless reputation since this sub genre – if you can ever refer to it as a sub genre - of exploitation just briefly existed between the mid-60's and early 70's and only spawned a handful of thoroughly boring and horrendously incompetent titles. "Kiss Me Quick" is just as thoroughly boring and horrendously incompetent as the rest, but at least some of the tasteless jokes are funny and the story serves a couple of original gimmicks. There aren't any opening credits, for example, but instead there's a female voice-over literally mentioning the entire cast and crew list. Also, there are the irrelevant guest appearances of legendary Universal horror monsters (like Frankenstein and Dracula) and the lead character – named Dr. Breedlove – is a sheer homage to acclaimed genre actors Bela Lugosi and Peter Lorre. Any movie that hints at classic horror this much deserves some attention from me, regardless how stupid and amateurish it may be. The plot introduces on a nerdy alien – resembling Benny Hill – named Sterilox, who teleports himself from the Buttless galaxy to our planet with a mission to bring back an earthly female specimen. For you see, in Buttless there aren't any women but they observed our sexual habits long enough to develop an interest in our method of reproducing. Sterilox arrives in the laboratory of Dr. Breedlove, a completely deranged self-acclaimed genius scientist who literally fabricates women in his remote hillside castle, and together they extendedly browse through his collection of lewd creations. So, basically, this means "Kiss Me Quick" simply depicts two idiots staring at women dancing and undressing for nearly 70 minutes, and that about wraps it up completely. The only thing that keeps the film endurable are their continuous moronic remarks, as even the girls' wobbling boobs rapidly become monotonous to look at. Obviously this isn't a film for devoted feminists to watch, because the girls are literally referred to as humble and obedient objects whose only dialogs exist of repeating the title over and over again. If you should decide to watch this movie and you end up hating it, you only have yourself to blame. What kind of masterpiece do you expect when the characters' names include Barebra, GeeGee String and Gina Catchafanny?

Sterilox is sent from the all-male Buttless galaxy to Earth in order to pick up these things we have called women. He zaps into the castle of Dr. Breedlove, who is working on some kind of elixir that makes women dance topless and sometimes turns them into monsters. This viewing was another Video Roulette courtesy of Mr. John Charles. I like not being in control of my own fate. If you were hoping for a more complex plot from this 66 minute nudie flick, I don't know what to say. This is totally what you see is what you get and what you see is a lot of nude flesh. The camera lingers on the attractive 1960s women over and over as our two main characters supply occasionally witty puns. You also get some cheap-o famous monsters including Frankenstein, The Mummy and Dracula. It's THE MONSTER SQUAD for the nudie set! The acting is over-the-top but I actually enjoyed Max Gardens as the mad doctor with his Trans-uh-vain- eh-ahhhh accent. His look is also surprisingly modern, making it hard to believe this was made 47 years ago. He was also the producer as one Seymour Tuchus. In a weird, all-things-are-connected coincidence, Sterilox actor Frank A. Coe wrote the lyrics for the horrible UP YOUR LADDER theme song that was stuck in my head just a few days ago.

Kiss Me Quick! (1964)

** (out of 4)

It turns out that aliens have no females so they send a male alien named Sterilox to Earth so that with the help of Dr. Breedlove he can find woman to knock up. This sexploitation film is a minor take off on Kubrick's Dr. strangelove but have no fear because the Kubrick movie isn't going to lose any viewers to this thing. I've seen quite a few of these sexploitation flicks and this here is one of the better ones but that doesn't mean it's a good movie. What this film does offer unlike others is that the director has a lot of energy in the film with the camera constantly moving and various other things coming in and out of the story. You've got a lot of naked women but a mummy, Frankenstein's monster and even Dracula show up for some silly stuff.

With a line up like that how can a movie be bad? Sterilox is sent to earth from the Buttless Galaxy to find slave girls and the perfect girl for bleeding stock from the strange lab of Dr. Bleedlove with lots and lots of topless girls. So there is a loose plot to hold together the overall mission of the film which is to show topless girls dancing around. I'm sure the budget of this film top at least $500-$600. A few left overs from the Sci_Fi prop department at use to give it a added flare. Over all is fun and makes a great open minded date film, long as you're not dating a prude. If I ever become a mad doctor in a lab, I'm getting a go-go dance to mix my beakers for me. Another great find from Something Strange Video worth having a look or adding to any 60's sexplotation collection.

Okay, so fans of the late Stanley Kubrick probably won't rush out to rent this film,(even so locating the film may prove difficult) it will however, more than likely amuse them.

The DR. STRANGELOVE references may be few, but its just enough to make the film watchable. Fans of nudie-cutie films of the sixties should hang their heads in shame if they haven't seen it, while church going suburbanites should pray they never hear of it!

Interesting fact: The film's director of photography, Laslo Kovacs, would go on to shoot CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND, GHOSTBUSTERS, and EASY RIDER!

KISS ME QUICK! is a girrating fun time, with plenty of girls-a-poppin!