Questa casa non è un albergo

Some sauce is going on, and gay going on. Is girly haired son Charly a? No, turns out his dad is.

"Its nice being bored on holiday" says Mother to Charly. No it isn't. You've got to be up to something. Have your skinny balding lover arriving for some shagging on the rocks; he keeps his flat cap on.

More jerking off in the shower (friend Martin) Dad is getting stiffies watching and imagining.

More jerking off in the shower (Dad now) It's a beautiful world this Cote D' Azur if you lay back, and do who or whatever you want.

Occasional "step outside the frame" song and dance routines occur to inflate light-hearted larkiness but come across as looking ludicrous.

"Silly soufflé of seaside shenanigans, sexy secrets, and jerking off in the shower" would be my strap line.

I learnt that sea violets are a soft shellfish.

I'm scratching my head why BBC4 showed this.

This film is about a family's summer holiday in the south of France turning into a series of shocks, when their secrets of their love lives are revealed.

"Mariscos Beach", as this film is called in Hong Kong, is a lighthearted and funny film. The plot needs no crude or gross jokes, it just makes people laugh by surprises. I find it funny when the parents behave more rebelliously than their teenage son! The drama side of the plot, which involves the family tension and the relationship between husband and wife is also engaging. "Mariscos Beach" is a film about acceptance, finding one's true self and loving each other despite differences. It made me smile from my heart.

Now THIS is what summer movies should be! As perfect as the best chocolate soufflé, light and airy on your tongue, with a taste that lingers only as long as it's in your mouth. The best part is that once consumed, you will even respect yourself in the morning. And like all good foreign films, you will suddenly find yourself forgetting that it even has subtitles! Marc (the stunningly handsome Melki) has bought his family to the gorgeous seaside villa of his childhood, inherited from one of his aunts. Understanding and vivacious wife Beatrix (Bruni-Tedeschi), typically rebellious son Charly (Torres) and headstrong daughter Laura (Seyvecou) all find themselves enjoying their sunny sojourn (or not) for various reasons; Laura conveniently takes off for the week with her hunky biker boyfriend; Charly's enjoying "hot showers" just a little too much, especially when his own buddy Martin (Collin) shows up to spend time with the family, (but most especially with Charly, who may or may not be the love of his life--or at least the summer), and Beatrix is perfectly content to make time with her hot hubby, while both are under the influence of "violets," a particular kind of mussel that seems to light an amorous fire under them both.

Ah, but what would a French family sex comedy of errors be without a few secrets? Besides the one about Charly and Martin NOT being lovers, (but just try telling his cynical dad that!), there's Beatrix's side man, Mathieu, (Bonnaffe), who must be given credit for a funny and surprisingly sexy performance as the most average-looking 'other guy' I've seen in many moons, and Luc Besson favorite Jean Marc Barr as the studly, horny 'island plumber' Didier, who has more than a vested interest in Marc and his family, adding more comic calamity to the chaos that eventually ensues.

To say more would spoil some of the sassy and silly delights that await those looking for something different but not serious, which even includes a couple of musical numbers (!).

This was showing at the One In Ten Pride Film Festival in D.C., which was an excellent venue for it. The English title for it is "Cote d'Azure," but by any name, it's still more worth your time than half the American crap that's clogging up multiplexes right this minute. So, quick! Catch this one before they remake it and stick some lameoid graduates from the Disney channel into it...or try to cast Robin Williams as the father (YIKES!)

The French have always been able to take issues involving sexuality, fidelity, relationships, and youth and create a healthy fun discussion: Hollywood still has problems even approaching these subjects, much less allowing itself to be lighthearted and universal. 'Crustaces et coquillages' (COTE D'AZUR) is a little French film that addresses these subjects in a manner so light and fun that the viewer wonders what all the puritanical fuss is about! It is summer on the Cote d'Azur and a fun couple Marc (Gilbert Melki) and Béatrix (Valeria Bruni Tedeschi) are vacationing in a wonderful beach house with their teenage kids Charly (Romain Torres) and Laura (Sabrina Seyvecou) where Marc lived as a youth. Laura immediately takes off to Portugal with her biker boyfriend and Charly spends his days with his friend Martin (Edouard Collin), an openly gay teenager who is in love with Charly. Beatrix observes the boys' interactions and decides her son is gay, a fact that doesn't bother her at all but that seems to cause problems for Marc. Béatrix's lover Mathieu arrives on the scene, declaring his desire for Beatrix to leave Marc: Beatrix isn't so sure - she loves Marc and her family, but also wants her summer lover.

In a series of hilarious shower sequences Charly pleasures himself, and indeed the entire crew in the house does the same, and Martin's advances to Charly are rebuffed forcing Martin to seek outlet at the beach's notorious fort section. Marc decides to thwart Charly's excessive 'use' of the shower and unplugs the hot water. Charly calls a plumber Didier (Jean-Marc Barr), who just happens to be the hunky ex-lover of Marc, having had a gay affair before Marc married Beatrix. In following each other around, Charly discovers Martin and Didier and then Marc and Didier en flagrant and then walks in on Beatrix and Mathieu: everyone's secret is out! But instead of a disaster, the cast suddenly breaks into a silly showbiz musical number blaming all the infidelities and facets of love on the 'violets' (the aphrodisiac of oysters!). It is a cuckoo ending and would have been a better film without it, but the acting is all so rich and fine and the story is so well told, that this little diversion can be excused. This is a fun fling, with a superb cast having a good time (especially the extraordinarily gifted Valeria Bruni Tedeschi). The story makes us laugh and think - all in a setting that is like a dream vacation! Enjoy and have fun! Grady Harp

Adolescence is a difficult age. Everyone knows that. But is it mainly problematic because teenagers rebel against their parents? Or is it the sexual awakening which makes progenitors uneasy? "Crustacés & Coquillages" revisits these questions in a story about love, self-discovery and vacations.

A family owns a beach house in the Cote D'Azur so they decide to spend the summer there. As they arrive, their son Charly receives the visit of his best friend Martin. As the days go by, Beatrix, Charly's mother, comes to a conclusion: the two kids are gay and are currently a couple. However Marc, the father, angrily refuses to accept this possibility.

Why is Charly's father such a paramount character here? Because the name of the father is the only thing that prevents a boy from turning gay. When Jacques Lacan defined the meaning of the 'nom de père' he relied on a French word game. The 'nom de père' is the name of the father but is also the No of the father. According to Lacanian theory it doesn't matter if a child is raised without fatherly figures as long as the mother invokes the name of the father, which ultimately is the origin of the tribal law, the social indictment; and it is so because the name of the father is also the definitive negative. When the child asks 'why not' the father can always answer 'because'. As tautological as it may sound, is the father who attributes himself the final word. And when there is no father then the mother must reenact this dynamic by conferring upon her the authority derived from the father. More traditional psychoanalysis would suggest that a child raised without a father could be prone to feminization (isn't it a common place to say that gays act like women?); Lacan proposes that as long as the 'nom de père' is imprinted upon the mind of the child then the risk of becoming homosexual would be thus ruled out.

But what happens when it is precisely that risk what worries Marc the most? Beatrix seems perfectly fine with having a gay son, while Marc is about to lose his temper. What they completely ignore is that Charly is, in fact, straight, although his friend Martin is gay. Certainly, this doesn't seclude the youngsters from behaving oddly at times. For instance, when Charly announces to his friend that he is going to masturbate in the shower, the viewer sees Martin unbuttoning his short and placing his hand down his underwear. Is it enticing for Martin to imagine what his friend is doing in the shower? Can he come to an orgasm while picturing his best friend? Certainly, the best alternative is to stop cold turkey, which is what Martin does. This moment mirrors a previous scene in which Charly gets caught by his mother. As one can easily comprehend, masturbation is always interrupted. Perhaps, as Michel Foucault wrote in in Histoire de la Sexualité, puritan minds can barely stand the idea of masturbation, but the possibility of fantasizing to fuel masturbatory acts is even more despicable. And that's exactly what masturbation is all about. As Foucault explained, masturbation is not possible without fantasy. Fantasy must be there, either in the form of a sexualized other or in any other way that could be sexually stimulant. To put it simply, one does not wildly masturbate reading the phone book.

Charly is a bit shy and his lack of success with girls get him frustrated at times. It is then when he suggests a "jerking-off" contest with Martin and they quarrel about it. Perhaps in the heterosexual mindset, such games or practices would be deprived of any further meaning, nevertheless what is clear to the viewer is that Martin has no intentions of jeopardizing this friendship by indulging in mutual sexual stimulation. It's clear that an unresolved sexual tension erects a barrier among the two boys, to the point that Charly asks Martin bluntly if he thinks of him while masturbating.

But one cannot cover this topic enough. As Martin successfully finishes pleasuring himself in the shower, he is accidentally observed by Marc, who immediately recurs to his wife to have sex with an energy that had apparently disappeared over the course of the years. After going cruising, Martin is beset and out of confusion tries to hit Marc. Marc, as a good father, calms him down and they both end up sleeping in the same bed. The morning after, Marc wakes up, goes into the shower and starts stroking his penis vigorously. What is the meaning of all this? What does Marc represent truly as a fatherly figure? More importantly if, according to psychoanalytic theory, Marc is in a sexually confused state of mind, can he still function as the fatherly figure? Perhaps one might wonder then, what it is that Charly rebels against? It has been made clear by Freud that every son must kill his father to have carnal commerce with the mother (this is all symbolic, of course), but what would occur if the father cannot represent a rivalry for the love of the mother? What then? Charly's Oedipus complex is not at as easy as one could have ventured at first. We are not in front of a typical teenager fending off in a "normal" family. Why, here even Beatrix has her own secrets.

One thing is worth noting, though, like every other teen, Charly must first figure out what it is he wants, and for that he must redefine his relationships with the rest of the world, namely, with his father and his best friend. Without spoiling the end I can only say that in the same way fantasy is indispensable for masturbation, fantasy will also be the key to come up with a suitable solution for everyone.