What the Rowboat Saw

Conan O'Brien: [on his People's Choice Award nomination] Here's the problem: I'm competing against one of the most powerful people in the world - Oprah Winfrey.

Conan O'Brien: [audience boos] No! No! Don't boo! No, no!

Conan O'Brien: [they continue booing] No, no - she'll have me killed!... Don't screw around like that!

Conan O'Brien: [imitating Oprah] "What happened on Conan?" One push of a button, and I just go away, man... and all of you go away with me.

Andy Richter: She'll give away bits of you to her studio audience.

Conan O'Brien: Exactly. Yeah, on "Your Favorite Things", everyone in the studio audience is getting a piece of Conan's spleen. She is the most powerful figure - not just in entertainment - one of the most powerful figures in the country. Alright? This is scary to be up against her. There's one thing that gives me solace, ladies and gentlemen, and makes me think, "I've got a chance." That's right: I'm still the only talk show host that has his own blimp.

Conan O'Brien: [the blimp is shown] Yeah! So, take that, Oprah! I got my own blimp, and there's nothing you can do about it!

[Conan laughs maniacally, but a huge shadow is seen falling over the blimp; it is a gigantic airship bearing the name Oprah, which sucks in the blimp with a tractor beam and belches out a stream of gaseous refuse]

Conan O'Brien: [Conan is sullen, and the audience resumes booing; he smiles bemusedly] ... You have no idea what you're doing... You fools. I'm voting for Oprah.