Shiver Me Timbers

I have to admit that I harbored zero expectations to this movie, as I sat down to watch it. Yeah, I've watch two other horror movies with Popeye and they been pretty terrible. But I still opted to watch "Shiver Me Timbers" on account of it being a movie that I hadn't already seen.

But this movie was God awful. Writer and director Paul Stephen Mann managed to maul E. C. Segar's work to a bloody pulp. And not in a good way. Nay, this was horrible in oh so many ways. Sure, the script was pretty straightforward for a slasher movie, but the attempts at incorporating comedy just made it into an even bigger mess than it already was. So yeah, you're not in for anything grand here.

Of course I was not familiar with a single actor or actress that starred in this travesty of a movie. Sure, some of the acting performances were actually fair.

The special effects in the movie were exactly that; special. Most of them actually had me laughing at how utterly ridiculous it was. And the fact that Popeye looks like some kind of mutated meatloaf and Colonel Guile from the fairly laughable 1994 "Street Fighter" movie just didn't work out in the least bit. Sure, some of the gore effects were actually passable and fair enough.

Writer and director Paul Stephen Mann doesn't seem to know how beheadings work, as there are two of them in the movie; and one has the guy still screaming after the head is chopped off, and the other has a girl's eyes going left and right after her head is chopped off.

"Shiver Me Timbers" is seriously the worst of movies based on the Popeye character so far.

I wouldn't even recommend this movie to newcomers of the slasher horror genre. Nay, "Shiver Me Timbers" was just hands down a terrible movie. Do yourself a huge favor and skip this one. Don't waste 73 minutes on watching this dumpster fire. Some of us literally suffered through this garbage, so you don't have to; you're quite welcome.

If you're looking for a quick way to end a friendship, recommend "Shiver Me Timbers" to a friend and watch the friendship melt away like a guy put into a barrel of acid that just happens to be around (which actually also happens in this movie).

My rating of writer and director Paul Stephen Mann's abysmal 2025 movie "Shiver Me Timbers" lands on a very generous one out of ten stars.

Man, I'm lowkey torn on whether I loved or hated this movie. I caught myself laughing a bunch of times, and there were a few lines that really stuck with me. It's totally off the rails, but I think that's on purpose, and yeah, there's blood everywhere. But it's not really scary at all. Feels like they're throwing shoutouts to Evil Dead and those old-school, cult horror flicks I used to grab from the rental store back in the day. Oli's character was dope tho, had me rollin'. The deaths? Wild and OTT as hell. It's chaotic, but in a good way. I'll probably run it back, feel like I missed some deep cuts.

Comets are nothing to mess around with.

I must admit that Popeye the Sailor Man is just about the last character I'd ever associate with the horror genre, so I was intrigued to see what the writers and director were going to do to make him scary. It was funny to see how they used his catchphrases and habits in news ways to keep the audience entertained. He made me laugh and shrink back in fear at the same time which is exactly the reaction I hoped I would have.

While I didn't need a lengthy explanation of why Popeye appeared, I did find myself wishing for more plot development here. The reason given for his murderous escapades never quite made sense to me, and trying to figure it out was a distraction from both the horrifying and the comical moments in this film. I would have chosen a higher rating if this wasn't the case.

It isn't necessary to be familiar with 1980s slasher flicks in order to enjoy this homage to them, but viewers who have seen at least one or two horror films from that decade may notice some cool throwbacks to the way things were filmed a few decades ago. Without giving away spoilers, I'm specifically thinking of the way rural settings were sometimes used to amp up the suspense back then and how isolation and fear could lead a character to make impulsive decisions that they might not have chosen if, say, they'd been in a city surrounded by other people.

Shiver Me Timbers was creative.

This film knows exactly knows what it wants to be - a sincere homage to the low-budget horror movies of the '80s - and director, Paul Stephen Mann, has assembled a crew and cast more than capable of helping him achieve this vision.

With references to the video nasties of Raimi, Craven throughout and gore aplenty, the film follows in the tradition of 'good time' horror films, made on a shoestring by fans and for fans. This could be something made by Troma, minus the unnecessary nudity and misogyny.

Mostly practical effects, augmented by some decent CG (especially for the money - the Jurassic World films still can't get anywhere close to what the original film did with a couple puppeteers in veloceraptor leggings), this akin to something made by a young Peter Jackson. Filmed in Scotland in September, mostly during the night, I'm surprised none of the actors died of hypothermia from the no-doubt freezing blood they are frequently drenched in.

The actors all around nail their assignment and the crew are clearly top of their game, particularly the make up and practical effects, recreating both a believable nostalgia for the 80s as well as the numerous injuries and bloody deaths incurred almost every character.

I suppose the question might be, why would people so talented make a 'Popeye' film and not something more 'original'? Particularly when many of the negative reviews seem fixated on this, focussing on what they misunderstand to be flaws in the film (rather than deliberate referential codes) to reinforce an opinion formed before they even saw it.

The answer would be, well, why not? This is clearly the film that Mann wanted to make and the cast and crew have achieved this 100%. Any review that takes the premise of 'why can't this thing be a different thing?' doesn't hold any weight, and perhaps said reviewers would benefit from rewatching the end of Ratatouille. It is always easier to complain from a distance; creating something is hard and making a film is among the hardest. So well done to all involved.

So, if you're looking for knowingly cheesy and bloody (haha) good riff on 80s shlock classics, check this out. It is considerably better than many of the films that followed in the wake of Grindhouse and, at just over an hour, it even excises much of the tedious first acts of too many of the films it homages, so you can get straight to the good stuff. Get the beers in and watch with friends.

This movie isn't your usual horror-it's more about having fun than being scary. It's over-the-top, playful, and designed to entertain. The filmmakers did a great job capturing the 80s vibe, and their Popeye character was surprisingly solid. The deaths were definitely the highlight-bloody, creative, and full of dark humor. The final scene brought a lot of energy. I'd recommend this movie if you're just looking for something light and enjoyable, without expecting any serious scares. It's not trying to be serious, but it's a blast to watch. I had a great time, and it left me smiling. It's the kind of movie you watch for fun, not scares.