Phil Silvers credited as playing...
Genius
- Genius: You know something? I love him too.
- Danny McGuire: Yeah?
- Genius: You know why?
- Danny McGuire: Why?
- Genius: Because he's dumber than me.
- Danny McGuire: Dumber than I.
- Genius: Okay. Then he's dumber than the both of us.
- [Danny winces]
- Genius: [From the song "Who's Complaining?" which dealt with food rationing during World War Two] "Because of Axis trickery, my coffee now is chicory, and I can rarely purloin a sirloin... No complaining, through the campaigning. Who cares if the carrots are few? I'll feed myself on artichokes, until that Nazi party chokes, so long as they don't ration, my passion, for you!"
- Genius: You probably know what you're doin', Mr. Coudair. But that was a pretty swell thing those kids had. Certainly glad I'm not the one that broke it up, I couldn't sleep nights.
- Genius: If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times, you don't get there on the steps; you get there on your - but, I suppose it all depends on what you're after. Day and night! Night and day! All I do is work and slave and try to keep this place with it's head under water. What happens? My number comes up, the joint goes to pieces! People sittin' on the steps, chef quittin', noisy kitchen, girls always gabbin'. Yakety-yakety-yakety. It's not that I'm complaining or anything.
- Genius: [singing] At breakfast time after I get up, If there's little on the breakfast set up, For the little I'm served, I'm well repaid, By the little that's on the serving maid...
- Genius: [singing] And at the office during the duration, What a pleasure giving dictation, T'ain't so bad in the land of the free, Being a dictator like me!
- Joe: I think it's a fake! I don't think pearls come from oysters. I don't think pearls come from oysters!
- Genius: How long since you left Harvard?
- Joe: Neva heard of it. I beg you to be reasonable. How could an oyster give birth to a pearl?
- Danny McGuire: How could an oyster give birth to an oyster?
- Rusty Parker: Hey, that's something to think about.
- Genius: You know what I say? They can live their lives and I'll live mine.
- Danny McGuire: When? I want to see that.
- Joe: I don't.
- Danny McGuire, Rusty Parker, Genius: [singing] What if it rains and it pours? It only rains out of doors! Let every frown disappear, And you'll find that tomorrow's here!
- Genius: Now, you two say good night like you mean it.
- Danny McGuire: Good night, Chicken.
- Rusty Parker: Good night, Danny.
- Danny McGuire: You're a genius in everything but minding your own business, aren't you? A girl's got a right to make up her mind about her own life, hasn't she? Why didn't you let her tear up her own telegram?
- Genius: Things like this that make me a genius! Ain't they?
- Danny McGuire: Wait till the landlady sees the hall.
- Reporter Asking About Flowers: Which one of you was she in love with before she met Mr. Wheaton?
- Genius: It was I; but, I used to beat her. How are you?