7th Heaven

While many have lots of concerns about the relevancy of this series, it continues to be one of the few television series still in production which does not feel it necessary to fill the hour with murder, mayhem, violence, sex, and ridicule. This makes it a safe choice for many families who want a bit of entertainment together as a family. It is the only choice for the family on UPN, as far as I am aware.

For a period of time, 7th Heaven was doing 'topic of the week' episodes in the after school special vein. Some people like that style; others do not. The current season has focused more on the lives of the various family members, which is something that fans of the series wanted. However, as time has gone on, at least three of the actors playing the family's children have moved on to college and film work. This leaves many of the fan based frustrated. There's basically 2 of the original 'children' left in the series, and one of them is no longer a child. The addition of the twin boys 4 years ago as babies will probably pay off next season (if another season is approved) as they will be 5, about the age of the youngest child during the first year of the series. More antics of kindergarteners - multiplied by two - are expected.

Can 7th Heaven survive another season? I expect, due to the limited competition in this demographic, that it can. But SHOULD it survive, or should it bow out as gracefully as possible? That remains to be seen.

It's disturbing to read a "Plot Outline" which categorizes the Camdens as "ultra-conservative". The Camdens embrace values that use to be seen as quintessentially liberal; they are tolerant, generous, and believe in the redeemability of almost every human being. But, apparently, we are to look at them as "ultra-conservative" because of the choices that most of them make for themselves, generally eschewing alcohol and other drugs, premarital sex, and so forth -- even as they remain in respectful communication with those who make different choices. The Camdens also are notably Christian, but the Reverend Camden leans upon -- and offers support to -- a rabbi, and his youngest daughter pals around with a Muslim girl. I don't agree with the Camdens on everything (I'm an atheist), and I find this show too often sacchrine. But, in any event, it certainly doesn't represent what I would call "ultra-conservativism"; instead, it represents that to which most Americans aspire.

I understand the need for shows like 7th Heaven. Shows that can help kids comprehend the very complicated world that we live in. Shows that can teach as well as entertain. Shows that an entire family can watch. And while an entire family could sit down and watch this show; I have no idea why they would want to. This show is so bad on so many levels that it is hard to know where to begin. Almost all the shows problems stem from the ridiculously trite and unrealistic plotlines. Not only are some so ludicrous as to border on the bizarre, but quite a few are downright offensive. The misogynistic overtones aside, who are these people? Why does nothing make sense on this show? Since when does painting situations in black and white ever convince kids to follow the better path? Kids are smarter than that; they know it isn't that simple. And by refusing to show the other side or simply misrepresenting it will not sway any impressionable youth.

Most people don't get engaged/married within a week/month/day of knowing each other. Everyone over the age of 6 knows that smoking is bad but that doesn't mean all smokers are bad. The same with drinking. The same with sex. Its unrealistic to portray all of the kids as virgins with all the heavy making out that gets shown. And further more its detrimental because it gives the impression that that heavy petting doesn't lead to sex with most people. Why is there never an episode that deals with these complicated problems in a realistic manner? Why does an associate pastor drive a BMW, is it really that lucrative of a job? Why do the Camdens have expensive bottled water if they're so poor? Why do the girls on this show so often need the approval of men? Why? Why? Why? This show and countless others like it merely perpetuate unrealistic notions concerning appearance, romance, and income. So really is this what you want your children watching? Something that will make them feel ugly now, lonely and depressed later because its been two days since they've had a date, and broke because for some reason their income doesn't allow them live up to a "poor" family's standards. If you want quality time with your kids, buy them some books and read with them.

I used to be a regular viewer of 7th Heaven, but after a while there were so many convoluted subplots that I just had to give up. The main family itself is huge, but when you add about 15 side characters the relationships become a bit too hard to follow. Also, I really got tired of how every episode became some political preaching about the latest controversy or hot button issue. In one episode, Ruthie writes letters to a U.S. soldier who is stationed in Afghanistan. Then she gets all worried when the guy stops writing back, and the preacher father ends the episode by reciting a sermon about America's heroes. Now, I'm all for being patriotic and all that jazz, but that entire episode seemed to be written in about five minutes and tacked onto the season just so the staff could win an Emmy. I'm willing to bet money that the writers just open up the paper to the Opinion section, close their eyes, point at a random story, and then write a script based on the issue. Going back to how complicated the show has gotten, I'd just like to note that it is very frustrating when the characters have boyfriends and girlfriends so many times in a season that you have no idea what's even happening any more. Seriously, you can skip one episode and someone will be married/divorced/pregnant/in a coma the next week. Talk about drastically changing plot lines! Now I'd like to talk about the most unintentionally hilarious episode, AKA the one that discussed the issue of marijuana. I could not believe how politically charged this one episode was, and my jaw was literally on the floor at how exaggerated the story was presented. Basically, the dad discovers a joint in the laundry (correct me if I'm wrong), and instantly starts eyeballing every one of his children. He becomes so paranoid and mistrusting that it's ridiculous. When he sees that Matt is eating more than two or three cookies, the camera zooms in on his sweaty, worried face. Why, Matt must have (gasp!) THE MUNCHIES! Dun, dun, DUN! Then one of the girls is acting tired. Why, she must be (gasp) HIGH! Dun, dun, DUN!! I mean, come ON! He even suspects Ruthie, who was probably 6-years-old at the time. Talk about overreacting. So anyway, the dad drags his wife into the bedroom and they discuss who might have brought the joint home. "Did you see Matt wolfing down those cookies? That's a sure-fire sign of (gasp!) THE MUNCHIES!" the dad whispers, afraid that his Christian neighbors will hear him. We then learn that the wife smoked some pot in college, and the dad literally freaks out. He comes this close to disowning his wife because she hit a couple of doobies when she was younger. Yes, God forbid someone does drugs when they're in college. I say, anyone who smokes weed is evil. EVIL, ya hear me?! So the dad puts the joint in his dresser drawer for safe keeping, and minutes later one of his daughters finds it while looking for something to wear. GASP! She thinks her parents are smoking the wacky weed! Ah, the wackiness that comes with family sitcoms. The show draws to a close when it is discovered that Matt had the joint, which leads to him running off somewhere. The mom and dad search the town only to find that he is praying in church. That's right, he's praying to God and spilling his guts about how he was just "holding" the joint for a friend. Uh, RIGHT. The credits roll after the mom and dad embrace their tearful son, a lesson learned by all. In short, GAG ME. Other issues discussed by Seventh Heaven include: listening to rap music is BAD, having sex is BAD, etc. Sheesh, whatever happened to just running a regular episode? Does every single show have to bery Very Special? Blech. I say this show be canned before the writers create an episode where Simon learns about the evils of homosexuality via a sinister uncle character. 0/4 stars

This series has all the qualities that should go into a horrid sitcom. The acting is beneath sub-par--with kids who were clearly picked more for their "look" than their acting abilities. The writing is so syrupy and pedestrian as to make "Martha Stewart's Living" look edgy and sophisticated by comparison. And the production quality looks like that of a 5th-rate syndicated show from 1987.

And, yet there is something oddly mesmerizing about this show. Maybe it's Aaron Spelling's knack for populating a world with such pretty people with such simple, easily solved problems. Maybe it's part of a secret desire to live in such an uncomplicated world where good guys are soapy pure and every house has a picket fence. Or maybe I just like to ogle Jessica Biel.

But what I really think is so appealing about this show is its camp value. Like a really cheesy B-horror film, 7th Heaven is at its best when it's at it worst. The hokier the story-line, the worse the acting; the more you have to laugh at it. It's like a train-wreck that you HAVE to watch--to find out who will introduce the next groan-inducing plot point, who will utter the next over-rehearsed bit of "spontaneous" dialogue, or what guest star has sunk so low this week.

7th Heaven is must-see TV, if for nothing else than watching desperate sup-par directors' constant cutaways to the family dog (to cover bad edits and, presumably, even worse dialogue). And the great thing is, the dog is actually a better actor than most of the kids on the show.

So, check it out. Get some popcorn, and have a good laugh.