Backwoods

And no, not horrible for the violence/gore. This movie is just plain horrible because of the acting, directing, cinematography and far-fetched storyline. I strongly DON"T recommend this film to you because: 1: The story line is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Since when has work been playing paintball in the woods?! 2: Furthering my point of ridiculousness, a cult in the woods run by crazy old women. HUH?? 3: The acting is really bad. So bad, it probably would have been better if Paris Hilton was in it. 4: It's predictable to a high level. 5: It doesn't even meet the standards of a B grade movie which it is trying to be.

So don't be fooled by the "Haylie Duff" on the cover because she is probably the only decent actor in the film but she is hardly in it. If you want to see a decent movie about the woods, see "Wrong Turn" which makes a lot more sense and provides a lot more scares than this disaster of a movie.

A couple camping in the woods is attacked by mountainmen. The girl is abducted to be a breeder. Later, Johnny Dash organizes a paint ball corporate retreat for his workers at a video game company. The store clerk directs the group to the same area in the woods where the couple was taken. Soon, their paint ball game turns deadly and the group is imprisoned in the underground bunker where the locals manufacture drugs.

This is a standard low-grade horror. There is blood but not much gore. There is violence but not well done. The actors are mostly B-level as indicated by the presence of Haylie Duff. It's a functional cheap horror that has nothing new or special. It works but only barely. It is all relatively amateurish except for a few solid old-fashion burning and falling stunts.

A team of FBI agents go on retreat in a California forest preserve, playing paintball as a training exercise. But the team is not alone, being surrounded by rednecks, inbreds and survivalists. What could have been harmless fun has now become a lesson in living.

The director of this film apparently grew up in the modern MTV world. He fills his shots with beautiful people and generic rock music. Not that I object to beautiful women or rock music generally, but this Michael Bay style of filming is style over substance, which gives the audience just that: a pretty shell with a hollow, rotten center. This film will be forgotten before it is even done being viewed.

And I know I've complained about his before, but... rednecks and hillbillies? Have we not done this to death? It's bad enough to make yet another movie about this... but then we have to make them all deformed looking? I think I've seen that film enough times. Sure, here we have California instead of the Appalachian Mountains, which is a change of venue... but it's the same old story. Oh, and now it's FBI agents. So, I guess, um, that's different.

No need to give this one a more full review. It's a cheesy knock-off, forgettable film. We get plenty of eye candy from Haylie Duff (but no nudity), but this doesn't really make a film worth owning and maybe not even worth watching. Not a horrible film, mind you, just nothing special.

Released to TV in 2008, "Backwoods" stars Haylie Duff and Ryan Merriman as employees of a video game company in Los Angeles partaking in paint ball games on a company retreat. They're mistaken for Federal agents by a Waco-like religious cult who apprehend young women to impregnate. Havoc ensues. Craig Zimmerman plays the company leader and Deborah Van Valkenburgh the matriarch of the cult. Mimi Michaels and Willow Geer are on hand as female eye candy. There are many others; too numerous to cite.

The movie plays like a mishmash of "Wrong Turn" (2003), "Hostel" (2005) and similar movies, but is limited by its TV budget and constraints. Amazingly, production-wise it's on par with "Wrong Turn" (which wasn't anything great to begin with, but it was at least passably good) and, as a result, has better women, locations and music, but a weaker script and blasé filmmaking. To be more specific about the positives: The opening & closing metalized song is excellent; the cast is good, highlighted by Willow's curvy beauty and Duff's striking features; and, like I said, the wilderness locations are great.

Unfortunately, the movie often plays in a routine and not-thought-out way. For instance, would the cult advertise the entrance to their secret underground compound with can't-miss-them concrete entrances and air vents? Wouldn't they more likely make these features blend-in with the environment? Would a guy impaled by several wooden spikes be able to shoot a rifle at the hip as accurately as shown? Also, the ending leaves one element up in the air and reflects an all-around absence of imagination. Still, if you like the redneck slasher genre there are enough positives here to make it worth checking out. Just bear in mind that when the most imperative question about a movie is "Who's the hot redhead at the beginning?" it's not a good sign.

The movie runs 85 minutes and it looks like it was shot in wilderness areas in greater Los Angeles (but I can't confirm it).

GRADE: C

I saw this picture this morning and was not disappointed or surprised. It was exactly what you would think from a made for tv horror movie. Editing was poor, characters were meh, and overall experience was not worth the waste of home internet data usage.